Dear Mama,
I have a little bit more time
left on my P-day, so I thought I would write you a handwritten note and let you
get a letter in the mail because real letters are the BEST!
Want to see my Japanese? 今日は寒さではありません-
That says “isn’t today cold!?
Here is: 私はアイスクリームが大好き！- which says, “I love
ice cream!”
Here is: コートニー·エリーゼ·キング- which is Courtney Elise King…but in Japanese you say it “Co-toe-knee E-ree-sue
Key-n-goo”
I think it’s really interesting because Japanese people think my name “Courtney”
is so hard to say how we say it. The “r”
sound is really hard for them. But especially
when I first came to Japan I thought their names were so hard! Now my brain is more used to all these new
names and I am able to remember names a little bit better now.
Here is something from my scripture study a little while ago. I was reading Matthew 14:28-32:
And
Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the
water.
And he
said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the
water, to go to Jesus.
But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and
beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and
caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
And when
they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
I love this story. I love Christ’s immediate goodness and
help. I also wish I knew the rest of
this experience…what was said and done after Christ caught Peter’s hand and
saved him from the waves, to when “they were come into the ship.”
Have you ever thought about that? I’m guessing that Peter and Christ walked
together back to the ship on the water.
I picture Peter and Christ holding onto each other. Maybe Christ spoke quietly and calmly to
Peter teaching him or reassuring him or testifying to him about faith. Or maybe they walked quietly with no more
words needed. I’m sure that was a very
moving and powerful moment for Peter…walking back to the boat with the Savior,
walking on the water, together.
Something I’m learning and thinking
about on my mission is growth and change.
Everything in this world plants, animals, humans, buildings, knowledge, everything
takes time to grow and become. I think
Heavenly Father made it that way on purpose.
It really is by small, simple, almost imperceptible changes that make
differences.
I remember Katie giving me
an analogy once about watching a little sprout grow. Just standing there watching it, it seems
like nothing is happening; nothings is changing. But really, inside that little sprout at a
microscopic level are little chemical reactions and photosynthesis and
molecules forming and growing and changing.
That’s how it is with us as humans and with this life. It’s the little molecules that matter. And it simply takes time to learn and grow,
change and become.
I’m thinking back when I first sat on my bicycle in Izumi nearly 5
months ago when I first came to Japan. I
remember those first few times riding behind my companion like a deer in the
headlights! I remember one night in
particular: the darkness, the hills, the city and car lights zooming all around,
the new roads and bicycle paths, just trying to keep up with my companion and
having no idea where I was.
I remember praying and telling
Heavenly Father, “This is crazy!” And
now 5 months later, even though I’m in a different area, I can lead on the bicycle
and get us to where we need to be (well, most of the time!) We use maps and write down directions like “after
13 stoplights turn left.” George Shimai thinks it’s crazy that I try and count
stoplights, but oh well.
This week I have been sick with a
cough. I’m pretty much better now. I’m all out of cough syrup (finished that in
the MTC! Yikes!) I don’t know if you
should send more or if the cough medicine here is okay. I’ll keep you posted.
You probably never thought I’d say
this, but if you want, next time you send a package, my body would love
some Wasa crackers. Yep. Wasa crackers or some Grape Nuts. Something with whole wheat! I need whole wheat! I thought it was funny when you said in your
letter that Dave had never heard of whole wheat for breakfast…oh boy! Does he know he is marrying Miss Whole
Wheat?! Whole wheat brownies…I still
remember.
I also thought it was funny in your
email to me today when you said that the new snow there is “the perfect kind
for building snow forts and for pelting someone with snowballs (wish you were
here!)” I thought that was so funny! Haha!
My Mamanoff is funny!! Wishing I
was there so you can pelt me with snowballs, eh?
Here is entry from my “spiritual/thoughts
notebook on January 20, 2014- to give you my thoughts recently about you and
Dad and Dave:
Some thoughts I’ve been thinking
about lately:
- ·
Mama talking to me a while ago
before my mission about doctors who were helping to take care of Grandpa Kerr
and how much they cared about his life, even though he is older now. He is still the same soul, the same precious
life that came to Earth when he was born, and doctors who helped to take care
of him then and how much they cared about his life as a baby. Life isn’t less precious or meaningful and
shouldn’t be taken care of any less with the passing of time on Earth. We are eternal beings, and every day is a
part of our Earth thing, and so it matters.
And people matter. And the way they feel each day matters.
- ·
Today. Today is one of the days the I fought to live
for. So live it well, and love it
true. Be here now. Today is a part of my eternal existence. Take it in and make it a part of me.
- ·
I’ve also been thinking about Mama
and Dave and why they would get remarried and build a love and a relationship
that isn’t going to last forever. Mama is
sealed to Dad. Everything is connected
though…Mama’s life is precious and meaningful and we didn’t come to Earth to
just wait out our time and our trials here to make it to eternity.
- ·
We are here now. Today matters. Mama deserves to be happy and not lonely and
not have to wait out this Earth life alone.
She will be with Dad again…for forever.
But part of that forever, part of who she is forever includes Dave. It’s not like their marriage and experiences
never happened. Because this is the
Earth thing, and everything does matter.
- ·
I trust and believe that one day
Mama and Dad will look back together on this Earth life and cry together and be
so grateful together for this beautiful life and for this tender mercy from
Heavenly Father…to help Mama and Dad while they’re apart, for a little while
more.”
…So those were my thoughts. Hopefully they make sense. And I hope they don’t make you sad or
anything. I hope they bring you peace
and make you happy.
Heart to heart, mama. That’s how we’re doing life from now on. When I was little, I was a mama’s girl but in
high school and college I know our relationship wasn’t always very good. I’m sorry Mom. If only I knew then and felt what I know
and feel now. I’ve grown so much love
and appreciation for my mama from this experience. I love you Mom!
It’s time for me to go to bed now so
I’ll hug this letter and send it off to you tomorrow.
I love you
Courtney Elise コートニー·エリーゼ
